Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Birth Mom Photo a Day 5: Fears

Day 5:  Fears

I believe that fear comes from things unknown and adoption is a big one.  Throughout the course of my pregnancy, placement, life after placement and life since reunion, I have seen TONS of fears come and go.   So many questions would often go through my head:  Will I ever see her again? Will I only ever know her as a baby? Will she want to know me? Will she be angry with me?  Will she like me?  Will she like us?  Will she want me there? Will she ever NEED me?  Will this pain in my chest ever go away?  Will I ever feel whole again?  So many questions...

I have learned that once I let the fear subside, peace finds its way in.   Adoption is not all rainbows and roses.  Adoption is hard. I have to work hard every day to let the peace stay and not chase it away.  There will still be unknowns and there will always be. There hard days and there are days where I love the choice I made. I have to make the daily choice to see the rainbows and smell the roses.

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