30! (+4)

Before the clock strikes 12 and it is no longer August 24th I need to leave a little thought on my blog (the closest thing I have to a journal).  Its been a pretty crazy day for me as I started back to work today after 10 weeks on maternity leave.  Why did I choose to start back on my birthday?  Not sure, it just worked out that way.  The kids are all back in school and there was no reason to avoid it any longer...also the fact that I was not getting paid was hard to swallow thus the need to not delay. 

It was hard to wake up early and it was hard to leave my baby at daycare (although I have done that 4 times now, it never gets any easier) and it was hard to be at work, sorting through 1700 emails, feeling totally lost and pretending that I was OK with it while keeping a smile on my face. Thank goodness for good people surrounding me that made it bearable.

Today is the 4 year mark from my 30th b-day (in other words, I am 34).  Its funny because just the other day I was communicating with an old friend from high school and I realized that it has been 19 years since I started high school!  19 years sounds like forever but I maintain that 34 is not OLD!  I don't care what my 12 year old says. 

My 30's have been the best years of my life.  Let me explain: My teens were somewhat, although not completely, tumultuous, filled with broken hearts, friendships made and lost, stupid mistakes, and hard lessons learned.  I survived my teens, barely, thanks to my Mother's merciful heart, and moved on to start making (MOSTLY) good decisions, falling in (and out of) love and learning more hard lessons in my early 20's while also crossing some major milestones (like having my son).  My later 20's started to smooth out and look up for me with another chance at love, the arrival of my baby girl and learning to forgive and accept my love-ones for who they are; not judging them for what they do.

My 30's were kicked off by the arrival of my 2nd son and the loss of loved ones.  I started to work on improving myself and making the changes I wanted rather than sitting around and wishing I had done it. In the past couple of years I have accomplished things that I never thought I would and most recently, of course, given birth to my last baby boy.  Making the decision to be done having babies would seem like it would be an easy one, especially when I have four now.  Although, the worldly side of me says that I just can't do this again and my sanity would suffer a huge blow at news of baby #5, it makes me a little sad to think that my power to procreate is coming to an end (that doesn't mean that I am thinking about having more...trust me, I am done.) but, wow, look at the posterity I have created.  It's amazing, really. 

What I am getting at is this:  While I do tend to gripe occasionally and sometimes, whether its hormonally related or what-not, I cry and get sad because life can be hard and exhausting, I have chosen to take a hard look at my life and give thanks today and every day for where I am and how I am blessed to be what I am.  I am a sister, a daughter, a mother, a wife, a friend, a mentor, a neighbor, and most importantly; a woman.  I will say it again:  My 30's have definitely been the best years of my life.  Happy B-day to me.